Come one, come all, to the Waste Management Phoenix Open!

Red, White, and Blue is the color for freedom the women’s tees


With breezes at a whisper, and sunshine plentiful the air sit’s tepid. Greens-keepers ready the preserve in anticipation as collars hold primp, and flutes held flat; unibquitisly-elegant as impulse emerges some of it’s flauntiful things.


– The following piece is made possible by readers like you, and our sponsor WasteManagement.

               Waste Management, we do for America’s trash, what dago-unions use to do for your father.

Waste Management, keeping America Protestant since 1968 –


The unclaimed spectacle of Kentucky Derby grandiloquence, and Football belligerency –  The Waste Management Open unlocks the briar as tonics, and mimosas are laid out amongst the prominent & most beautiful.

We arrive like most on Saturday, the day on which we fill ourselves with spirits for tomorrow’s 10am exorcism. Good lord if He could only see – “God damn heathens, if they only knew He was a statue… What then?” I deafly blabbered to my party as I set-down upon terra firma. Like that first Marine in Iraq – after “we got” those two sand-commi bastards – what am I doing here? Whoof washed upon me as a sensation. Maybe that was the wrapped-candy hitting, or the sugar winding down, whilst the hallucinations grassing up – but f*ck… As sweat started to appear on my forehead, during a cool January day.


Oh yea…


I’m here to watch golf dammit! That’s it, The Phoenix Open!


No, No, No not The Phoenix Open… that all turned to vinegar when Tiger got called a *****, or a gun  appeared, or some debacle-shit like that. Who knows; it’s Arizona; this is Arpio country you know.

There’s no need to burrow into this now, focus is key upon entrance.


Was that all just outloud? I tilted my head down, sucking my lips in to contain the question.


No, no good, I’m still good, or focused. Yes focused, that’s it. Tuating the salmon Boss button-down with some sky blue CK chinos – perched on a curb, imitating the solemn of some clipped canary ready to entertain.


Keeping it together is key on a day like this, especially as drinks surpass holes; like I just told you, this    is    Arpio country. The beautiful mountainitas’ of “the most livable city,” Scottsdale, Arizona – set stage for tans, tits, twentie$, and “The Tournament” amongst a gorgeous Arizona backdrop. Truly amazing, and cheap livability the comfort could feed the coming volley of amatuer julip-belligerency. Imported from stripe to star, they come in wobble at the ready as last years runner up Bubba Watson puts down his soapbox – twitter in hand – as his cady readies his tea and ball, hopping this is the magic bullet. While Richie, and young guns Hideki Matsuyama and Danny Lee square off leaivng the once almost GOAT, Phil Mickleson, pastures to his back readying his charge. It’s tee-off time folks, if this is your game here we go – eat up, button down, flutes up, Golf ho!

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